I love the State of the Union Address and try to tune in every year, faithfully from the moment the “Special Report” card is televised until the president opens his mouth. (I prefer to read the transcripts; black-and-white writing is — ironically– a more reliable vehicle for political speech.) I've had a crush on Brian Williams ever since he was on the not-sharing episode of Sesame Street so I watched NBC.

Here's what happened this year!

9:05 Sergeant-at-Arms Wilson Livingood looked particularly robust this year. Incidentally, that is the first time I've ever spelled “sergeant” correctly on the first attempt. Also, he goes by “Bill.”

9:07 The Democrats and the Republicans are sitting side-by-side in a way that reminds me of the lobby at a dentist's; the lobby at a dentist with a stringent dress-code and a voluminous slush fund for interior decor.

9:08 Mr. Williams announces that President Obama “has become sensitive to any darkening of the national mood” and I thought he was going to say “darkening of the President's hair.”

9:08 Williams mentions a Salon.com video about “aisle hogs” who reserve a high-traffic spot every year and BAM! There's Hillary Clinton.

9:09 My own observation: When judges get the shaft, they REALLY get the shaft. You should google “Judge Lemkau” sometime, if it hasn't all been censored away by this point…

9:10 Dick David Gregory pronounces the House Speaker's name “Baner,” like “one who Banes.” Or maybe “The Banisher,” which come to think of it would make an AWESOME comic-book villain (dibs). But I guess “Baner” is better than using its probably Germanic-root pronunciation, which would be “Boner.” (heh heh heh German is funny sometimes.)

9:10 Joe Biden cracked up at whatever it was that President Obama said to him while they shook hands. I'm pretty sure it was along the lines of, “hey, Joe! Thanks for not cussin' tonight.”

Annnnd, that's what happens. Maybe tomorrow I'll show you how to dissect the transcript of the State of the Union Address so you can find out for yourself what it really was about. If you're lucky, and I don't go to Worcester, but I might go to Worcester, so whatever.