I want a church that supports its members first and above all others on this planet.

I want family and friends with no secrets and nothing but love and tenderness for one another.

I want one job that will pay me a living wage.

I want Rhythmball to be the next ThighMaster.

I want everyone who hasn't bought it yet to tell me why.

I want a little credit or just some grocery money for being a good mom to our genetic-jackpot kid.

I want the balls of the company that fired me when I was pregnant.

I want Monstro to stop getting jerked around by his school so he can write his dissertation already.

I want Monstro to stop having to work three jobs while also working on his Ph.D.

I want the good teachers to receive the recognition, both personal and financial, that they so richly deserve.

I want to be back on the West Coast.

I want Sherry Ann to start talking to me again.

I want people in the Pioneer Valley to learn how to fucking drive.

–LBJ

P.S. Happily, Julie has been praying for me since this past Tuesday, and that's a start. But the rest of you only have seventeen-and-a-half days. So get cracking. Please?