So my adorable friend Ellen is in Baton Rouge right now, serving as a night-shift volunteer for a Red Cross shelter. She's got Internet access and is blogging about it. She's an amazing writer (we met while pursuing our MFA degrees), and her enormous wit is surpassed only by the size of her heart. So, check her out! And leave nice comments! Because I think she'd appreciate it.

So in my paper yesterday, I read that Bush is telling us that we need to drive less. “I mean, people just need to realize that the storms have caused disruption and that if they're able to maybe not drive … on a trip that's not essential, that would be helpful.”

And the next paragraph says that he's ordering Federal employees to curtail non-essential travel.

And the next paragraph says that he's embarking on his SEVENTH trip to New Orleans in three weeks.

I guess private jet fuel is easier to come by than regular unleaded.

What an ass.

Here I've spent all week building my strength up after being ill, and then I read Mark Morford's Friday column and spent it all by laughing too hard. You gotta love a man who describes the Fashion Week models as “paper cuts with eyes.” Read it for yourself. Better yet, Register Here to receive his “Notes and Errata” via e-mail.

Just don't blame me if the act of reading wipes you out.

Hi All,

No more anonymous comments here. The spam has become prohibitively irritating. I've noticed that Blogger has started a “type the following” box for anonymous logins, to prevent spam. Would be nice if myblosgsite did the same…

I've been ill and therefore quiet, but am on the mend with a few things to say… check back soon!

Love,

MM (aka LBJ)

Mark Morford, San Francisco Chronicle columnist, has this to say about something else to which Hurricane Katrina has laid waste. And frankly, I couldn't be more delighted. Now, can the non-soul-sucking Republicans please come out of the woodwork where you've been hiding? Because I really miss my grand old party and would love to welcome myself back to the fold…

Hey Kids! Looking for some levity in the midst of all the doom and despair? Welcome to Motormouth Enterprises's new home version of “Guess the Appointee!” Match the appointee/nominee to the position for which Bush nominated him/her.

For example:

1) Michael Brown. past leader of the IAHA, the International Arabian Horse Association, who was fired for being “an unmitigated, total fucking disaster.” (source here)

… would match with

A) Appointed by G.W. Bush as “the first Under Secretary of Emergency Prearedness and Response in the newly created Department of Homeland Security in January 2003… head of Homeland Security's Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA).” (source here)

(Fun fact: his tenure with IAHA is not mentioned in his FEMA bio)

Ready? Let's play!

THE NOMINEES AND APPOINTEES

1) Utah Governor Michael “Mike” Leavitt , whom Senator John Kerry described as someone who “has a record of working to undermine national environmental protections,” and whom environmental groups have criticized for “opening public lands in Utah to industry and development, allying himself with oil and gas industries and opposing the Kyoto treaty on global warming.” (source here)

2) HIV-positive Pennsylvania marketing consultant Jerry Thacker, who has called AIDS the “gay plague,” and referred to homosexualty as a “deathstyle.” (source here)

3) Dr. W. David Hager, a “pro-life” physician, whose six books “revolve around firm opposition to abortion, premarital sex, and emergency contraception,” and whom for seven years vaginally and anally raped his narcoleptic wife. When she objected, “'He would say, 'Oh, I didn't mean to have anal sex with you; I can't feel the difference.' And I would say, 'Well then, you're in the wrong business.'”[Hager's now ex-wife] recalled. (source here and here)

4) Samuel W. Bodman, venture capitalist and 14-year “Chairman, CEO, … Director” of Cabot Corp., a Boston-based chemical company whose “Securities and Exchange Commission filings show Cabot Corp. had a weak environmental record, and paid hefty fines on two occasions during Bodman's 14-year tenure. (Currently, Cabot's Boyertown and Reading, PA, facilities are at the center of legislation alleging decades old beryllium poisoning.)” (source here)

5) As governor of the top beef producing state, Mike Johanns “was highly critical of USDA's policy of announcing positive (or inconclusive)_ results from cattle tested for mad cow disease as part of the agency's expanded testing program.” Johanns also made clear “his opposition to allowing private beef producers do their own testing for mad cow disease. In response to Kansas meatpacker Creekstone Farms Premium Beef's petition to test all its cattle, Johanns remarked, 'The marketplace, in my judgment, must be based on science-based information. Otherwise there just is no end to what you could burden this industry with.'” While governor of Nebraska, Johanns proclaimed June 19, 1999 to be “Back to the Bible day,” and also a proclamation for “March for Jesus day.” “I wouldn't hesitate to sign a proclamation for the Jewish faith, Hinduism, whatever….so long as it doesn't require me to sign something I personally don't agree with,” Johanns was reported as saying in the Lincoln Journal-Star and the Omaha World-Herald. (source here and here and here and here)

THE POSITIONS

A) Nominated by G.W. Bush to replace Spencer Abraham as the United States Secretary of Energy on Dec. 10, 2004, and unanimously approved by the U.S. Senate on Jan. 31, 2005. Previously nominated by G.W. Bush to be the Deputy Secretary of the Treasury on December 9, 2003 and unanimously confirmed by the U.S. Senate February 12, 2004. Also served as Deputy Secretary of the Department of Commerce, beginning in 2001. (source here and here and here)

B) Appointed by G.W. Bush in 2002 “to the Food and Drug Adminsitration's Advisory Committee for Reproductive Health Drugs, a committee whose job it is to evaluate data and make recommendations on the safety and effectiveness of marketed and experimental drugs for use in obstetrics, gynecology, and related specialties.” In 2004, “Dr. Hager was reappointed to the committee for an additional year.” (source here)

C) Nominated by G.W. Bush in 2003 as the new administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency (to fill the spot left open by Christine Todd Whitman, who resigned), and in 2005 nominated by Bush to lead the Department of Health and Human Services. (source here)

D) Nominated by G.W. Bush on Dec. 2, 2004 to head the US Department of Agriculture. Sworn in on January 21, 2005. (source here)

E) Nominated by G.W. Bush in 2003 to the Presidential Advisory Commission on HIV and AIDS — this nominee withdrew his name from consideration on January 23 of that same year, “after news reports of his anti-homosexual stance.” (source here)

Can't figure it out for yourself? Here are the answers: 1=C; 2=E; 3=B; 4=A; 5=D. Winner gets a headache. Loser gets a cocktail.

Google Search: Results 1 – 10 of about 15,300 for Bush Quotes “love your neighbor”. (0.06 seconds)

Bwahahahahahahaha!!!

My favorite entry is from an 05/2004 “ask the President event,” wherein he states, “love your neighbor just like you'd like to be loved yourself.”

Just like you'd like to be, baby. What does that mean (except that he must be one of those Christians who doesn't actually read the Bible, but allows someone to interpret it for him)?

The really funny thing is, I read this exact wording vis a vis Bush and Katrina this week. So he's been getting it wrong for more than a year.

Oh, and I've received my first “Trackback” — from a blog called bushisincompetent.blogspot.com . Frankly, I could not be prouder.

Things do happen in threes: Hurricane Katrina, the bridge tragedy in Iraq, and now the death of Chief Justice Rehnquist. Here's my best-case scenario for getting through this:

1. Congress impeaches President Bush for being an incompetent (Katrina), lying (WMDs) wad of rancid spermatazoa, and he is forced to leave in shame, killing all hopes of another generation of Bush dictato… uh, presidency.

2. Cheney becomes president.

3. The press corps stops being the White House's glory-hole invitees, and shines light on what Cheney's been doing behind-the-scenes for the past five years.

4. Additionally, Cheney's current dirty-dealings grind to a halt under intense media scrutiny.

5. Disgusted, all the non-fuckwad Republicans (myself included) re-register as Libertarians.

6. Three years later, the country boots out the fascist theocracy currently in power.

Hey, I'm pregnant — I can dream, right?

I saw this post on how to prepare your cats for evacuation and thought it was worth sharing. I'd never heard of potty pads before — sure could have used something like this for Maxwell when we moved cross country — but it sounds like a good investment. Makes sense to keep a bottle of water, a couple of Tupperware bowls, a Ziplok baggie of food, and a package of potty pads in your beasties carrier/crate…

I don't want this to be too long because I want the headline of my last post to be visible on the opening screen for as long as possible. Monstro has promised to make an ACLU media ruckus when the Feds come to arrest me for spewing Anti-American sentiments. What a darling.

I always hated math. And then I learned geometry. And finally, there was a segment of the mathematical world that I loved. Proofs! Ways to prove yourself in math using WORDS! I was hooked. It's been a while since I practiced it, though. Let's try one now:

Proof that George W. Bush hates Poor Southern Black People who didn't Vote for Him

The mayor told everyone to leave New Orleans on Sunday.

New Orleans ranks fifth in the United States in terms of African American population and 67 percent of the city's residents are black.

Hurricane Katrina devastated Orleans Parish.

Most of the people seen in pictures of the aftermath are black.

Many of those interviewed could not afford to get out of town when the mayor issued the order.

78% of Orleans Parish citizens voted for Kerry.

New Orleans is a disaster of Biblical proportions: lawlessness, anarchy, and natural disaster.

Many of those in “shelters” haven't eaten for days, and “the New Orleans police chief said 15,000 people are trapped in the city's convention center.”

“And he said some are being raped and beaten.”

“Alan Gould, a man who is an evacuee inside the convention center, told CNN that women and small children are being raped and killed. He called it genocide. He said officials keep giving them the runaround, saying 'Help is coming. Help is coming. Help is coming.' But he said people just keep dying.”

Judging from every newspaper photo I've seen, most of the people in shelters are the aforementioned poor black people.

In the meanwhile, search and rescue has been halted in order so that the cops and militiary can take care of the looters.

The mayor of New Orleans has told the Feds: “Get off your asses and let's do something and let's fix the biggest goddamn crisis in the history of this country. People are dying. They don't have homes, they don't have jobs.”

In the meanwhile, National Guardsmen are “on alert” in 17 states “in case they're needed.”

The biggest thing President Bush has done is gone running to his daddy and his former political rival to get people to donate money.

Oh, and cut his vacation short by two days.

Oh, and he's “vowing to 'get on top of this situation' and to 'help people who need help.'”

No word on if that includes the poor black people who didn't vote for him.

Kind of makes you wonder what he'd do if the hurricane hit in, say, Ohio, home of the white people who voted for him.

Or Crawford.

Or Saudi Arabia…