Valentine’s Day used to be my favorite holiday. I loved the fact that there was a day where you could get presents and cards and chocolate without anyone having to die, a day where love was the answer, a day where…

…nevermind. Anyway, that was obviously then and this is obviously now.

Can you tell it was a bummer day? This is how I spent the evening of Friday, February 14th: Watching “Crusty Demons of Dirt II” (a dirt-biking video) for the third time with my roommate and his buddy Blaze as they ate all of my Valentine’s candy that I bought for myself to ensure that I’d *get* Valentine’s day candy, and it’s a good darn thing I did because there were no flowers, there was no candy, there wasn’t anything other than dirt-bike racing on the TV as I sat back and thought to myself “There must be more to life than this?”

This wasn’t my worst V-Day ever, though. The worst one I ever had was when I was a sophomore in high school. I’d had my wisdom teeth dug out of my head the day before (on Friday the 13th of February), and spent Saturday in pain and bleeding. I’d broken up with my first ever real boyfriend a few weeks before, so there were (again) no flowers, no candy, hell, not even any crusty demons of dirt.

Sure, there have been good Valentine’s Days. Probably the best one I’ve had (with no offense to anyone I’ve ever spent Valentine’s Day with, you know who you are) was when I was a sophomore in college. None of my friends had plans for the evening, so I had a Feb. 14th “Anti-Valentine’s Day” party. Everyone was required to wear black. The drink of the evening was Mountain Drool (Mountain Dew, lemon and vodka), which made for a bunch of really hyper drunk people. Next thing I knew all the smokers were over by the window, the drunks were over by the punchbowl, five people left with the 12th floor Residence Advisor so she could get them all stoned, and two people disappeared for 20 minutes — I later found out that they’d gone back to a dorm room, had sex and come back to the party. Ahhhh, youth. The door prizes were these little toy sheriff’s kits, replete with spurs, badge and handcuffs. Yee haw.

So, isn’t it time for Easter yet? I need to catch up on my free chocolate consumption. At least the Easter Bunny won’t let me down…