[This was published in the Spartan Daily, campus newspaper for San Jose State University, but it raised a lot of comments so I posted it when I started my blog in 1995. –MM/LBJ]

got me invited to radio shows and into classrooms as a guest speaker

Why am I not a feminist? Because…

Feminism: (n) The movement to win political, economic and social equality for women…

As a fed-up, independent, minority-opinionated republican, I feel it is my duty to inform you that Mr. Webster forgot to add the logical end of that definition: “…by stepping on, cursing out or ignoring anyone who offers a differing viewpoint.”

If I didn’t see them as a dangerous threat to society, feminists and their dogmatic ideals would amuse the heck out of me. Any group of professional whiners and self-declared martyrs is usually good for a belly laugh.

I guess I’ve seen and heard too much from their camp to do much laughing.

If feminists simply wanted equality, I’d be likely to join them. Equality is a good thing.

But when was the last time you heard a feminist say, “I want to be equal to men in salary, benefits and socioeconomic position?”

That’s right, you haven’t. Because they’re too busy plotting a future existence that will occur after they’ve castrated and killed all me on earth to create their matriarchal society.

Oh… you don’t believe me, eh? Then try this experiment: Watch “Women Aloud!” on Comedy Central some afternoon. It won’t be easy, I know, but do your best.

During the course of the show, which is hosted by Mo Gaffney (who acts as though she never got asked on a date during her formative years and uses her talk show as retribution on the entire male gender), count the number of times she and her guests demean men.

This show exhibits such a vigorous hatred that, if their comments were directed toward women, it would get kicked off the air. By feminists.

Incidentally, the last time I watched, Mo apologized for not being a lesbian. It was then that I turned off the set.

(Editor’s note: Women Aloud was cancelled shortly after this column was written. Maybe there are better times ahead.)

It amazes me that such angry, forceful women make up such ridiculous excuses for their overall lack of progress. Last year I attended a Halloween party held by my fraternity. One of the members, a rampant feminist, showed up with her hair curled and make-up on (surprising in it’s own right), wearing a prom dress that was lovely from the waist up, but the skirt was slashed to ribbons and covered in bloody handprints.

“Eve,” I asked, “what are you supposed to be.”

She looked me in the eye and responded proudly, “I’m the objectification of women.”

Cool. She obviously didn’t go to my prom…

It also amazes me that feminists believe that they’re so open-minded. Easy way to disprove them on this count: Get a whole bunch of them in a room and say “Camille Paglia.”

I learned this at a friend’s graduation brunch at UCSC. Her roommate had just written a thesis on feminist thought (misnomer, anyone?) and Karen handed it to me. “Here, you’re a feminist. Read this.”

I took it, but clarified, “Actually, I’m more from the Camille Paglia school of thought.”

Karen’s eyes bulged. “I wouldn’t say that too loudly around here if I were you,” she whispered.

I stuffed my mouth with spinach dip to force myself to not respond.

Examples aside, the real reason I refuse to toss my hat into the feminist ring is that I love men. Love ’em. Not because every man I’ve ever met has been charming to me — in fact, my track record is pretty pathetic.

Despite that, I’ve found that men are a lot more fair and a lot less backbiting than the so-called “fairer sex.” And I think that, deep down, feminists must feel the same way.

How else can you explain why, although they despise everything male-related, they are working so hard to become men?